Cut the BS: How to Believe in Yourself

I am currently sitting here, wondering how to write this article in way that is actually impactful. Sure, I could just rave on about how you should value yourself and not care what others think, but I’m sure you’ve heard that all too many times and as we all know, it’s not that easy. Recently, we went through a PowerPoint in class at my school that explained ways to develop a growth mindset (this was in a student development lesson). One of the points said to stop seeking approval from others and explained that you are the only one who will always be there for yourself. Sounds like basic advice, you’ve heard a million times, right? Well, my class, including my teacher, agreed that this wasn’t right. Being humans, we’re always going to want approval from others even if we are self-confident, and we aren’t the only ones who will be there for us. That’s something I’ve recently realised, and you may have noticed this shift in some of my previous work.

As much as the self-help industry is helpful in building up individuals, which can, in turn, benefit the wider community, it can also drive a wedge between them. You see, if we keep raising individuals to focus on only themselves, not care about others, and not trust others, how will we ever come together as one society? Don’t get me wrong, I consider myself part of the self-help industry in what I’m currently doing, but what I’ve become increasingly more conscious of is the power that we hold as one, and the importance of coming together as one, because that is the core of what we are – one consciousness, one species, one people.

So, let’s break it down.

There is nothing wrong with wanting others’ approval. It’s in our nature and let’s face it – it feels damn good. However, it becomes damaging when we value others’ opinions over our own, especially when it feels right to us to follow our heart. Their approval should not override your own. If you constantly feel like the people around you aren’t accepting who you are and where your life is heading aka what you want to do/what journey you’re on, then that’s a sign that you aren’t around the right people. It’s okay to VALUE the opinion of the people you love and trust, but there’s no point in changing YOUR life for someone else. The right people would encourage you and believe in yourself as much as you do and more, and trust me your people are out there. You shouldn’t have to ‘seek’ approval from others in the first place, because some people should have the decency, empathy, and kindness to spread the encouragement and love you DESERVE. If they don’t, that is not your problem, so there’s no need to dwell on others’ life decisions.

If you don’t believe in yourself, then it’s because you don’t value yourself. Okay, here’s what I think of that BS. Last time you looked in the mirror, did you happen to see a living, breathing human being? I hope so. Well then, why shouldn’t you value yourself? Trust me, literally everyone on the planet has felt that they don’t belong, aren’t valuable, or aren’t good enough. You are not special. Okay, that sounds bad, but if you are special, it wouldn’t be because you think you’re a lost cause. Okay, you don’t believe in yourself. What happens now? Literally nothing. The good thing about simply believing yourself is that all opportunities become available to you. The moment you start giving yourself a chance, that’s just what happens, you actually HAVE a chance – at doing whatever it is you want to do. If you don’t believe that is at least possible then how can that possibility be possible?

Okay let’s get specific. How can you actually start believing in yourself? A strategy I used to improve my self-love and confidence was something I call ‘aggressive affirmations’ which is exactly what it sounds like. I would yell out loud around the house, in the mirror, even at school, affirmations like “I AM SO BEAUTIFUL! I CAN DO THIS!” It can be relieving, funny, and it gets your adrenaline going kind of like an emotional boost. Another way, going back to the idea that you are not alone, is going to social networking events. Sometimes they find you via ads or from word-of-mouth, but often if you just google it, you will be able to find some. You can even try joining Facebook groups with people who may also set up meetings or events as well. If you need help believing in your own skills or building your business, there are also a bunch of events you can go to. I, myself, have been to a few events and meeting with communities that align with who you are and what you want can be so helpful and overall can be quite fun.

Give yourself some credit. It’s just the beginning of your journey.