When Things Go to Shit...

I’m pretty sure we’ve all been there. I know I have. If there’s one thing I understand about my life, it’s that it’s been a fucking rollercoaster. So many ups and downs that I can’t tell whether I’m about to fall or climb. I guess that’s what makes life, life. It’s unpredictable, but sometimes that scares people. Change is scary, but with fear comes adrenaline and with adrenaline often comes exhilaration.

I write self-help articles but lately I’ve been faced with something that just might get through to you, something you can relate to: reality. So maybe reading this will slow down the world for a minute, all that self-help knowledge that goes right through your head will make sense, and you can finally let the real healing start.

Happiness: The Real Deal

Happiness is not something you are separate from. In fact, you determine whether you feel it. It feels so comfortable to blame your emotions on literally anything else, but the truth is, they really do come from within. Your attitudes, your beliefs, your values shape your perspective and subsequently your reality. We spend so much of our time chasing happiness in objects, people, and experiences, that we lose sight of its core and what it truly means to us. I have absolutely no doubt that your family, friends, dog, whatever you respond with when someone asks you, ‘What makes you happy?’ make you happy, but that’s not what I’m referring to. I’m talking about everything, even when you’re all alone. When you’re simply by yourself and nothing seemingly exciting is happening. Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with who you are? Are you happy? The truth is, happiness is a state of mind, not just the benefit of a good experience.

Happiness is not just laughing with friends or getting a birthday present. It’s also sitting alone on a bus thinking about how grateful you are to be alive. It’s being at work or school and realising your purpose. It’s feeling like everything is finally falling into place when everything is falling apart. It’s about finding peace in war. It’s crying and being grateful that you’re able to. It’s even finding clarity in the shittiest day you’ve ever had. You could argue that you’re writing your own story or someone else is writing it for you, but nonetheless it is YOUR perspective it is written in, and it is YOU who decides the moral behind it all.

Happiness vs Positivity

No matter what you’re feeling, you can feel positive. You can feel positive that you feel horrible. You can feel positively sad, angry, jealous, scared, disgusted. You can feel positive that you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing with your life. I mean this by the definition in which feeling positive means you have no doubt. But the definition of positivity you are most likely familiar with is, of course, the feeling of hope, optimism, and confidence. Now this might be controversial, but I think both definitions fit the sentences above. The difference between happiness and positivity is that happiness is a state of mind whereas positivity is a practice. Humans like to see things before they believe them. We tend to only feel positive when we have reason to. But the truth is, I have felt hopeful when feeling like shit. And that might sound crazy, or scary, or unreasonable. But let me tell you, when you understand that everything has reason, everything holds a lesson, everything can always get better, when you reach the end of a drop on that rollercoaster, instead of feeling disappointed and low, you might find yourself just waiting to turn around the bend so you can do it all again.

Perspective

Perspective has always fascinated me. The way a group of people could be shown the same stimulus but interpret it in a million different ways. Everyone has their own perspective of different things including life. It’s why so many discriminate against others, because they don’t fit into their narrow way of thinking. Humanity is likely never going to move forward in the same direction. So, I hope that we can at least understand that others are going a different way. That we don’t all have the same vision, goals, or destinations, and that’s okay. We so hate that others are so different that we either change ourselves to fit in or force others to be the same. But that’s not going to work, look at history. I can’t force you to see things my way. I just want to open you up to the perspective that different perspectives are okay.

Success in a World with Standards

Success is subjective. I don’t care if that sounds cliché, like something people have tried to tell you, but the world has shown you it’s not true, because it is. It’s okay to have your own ambitions. It’s okay to have the same ambitions as someone else or to be inspired by them. It’s okay to be multiple things, to have multiple dreams. It’s okay to have one. If I can’t convince you of that, go watch the Barbie movie. Like I mentioned before, some people can’t handle that others want different things and deem others unsuccessful if it’s not by their definition. The truth is, who gives a shit? When you feel successful, you feel confident, you feel accomplished, you feel on top of the world. So, when people are yelling at you to get down from the mountain you worked so hard to climb and climb theirs instead, you stand there and be proud. Or when you want to climb a mountain that everyone else says is impossible to climb, you climb it anyway. And if you want to stay on the ground when everyone else is trying to convince you that you need to climb, you stand on that damn ground. Your life is not up to others. It is yours.

Why Do we Live?

I’ve pondered that question all my life. The thing is, there is no definite answer, because the question isn’t worded right. I don’t know why the entirety of humanity lives. The right question is, “Why do I live?” I think we spend so much of our lives trying to make sense of it that we forget to actually live. Most people live like a hamster running in a wheel. They work and work and work and don’t even realise that they’re just circling back to where they were before. But when you keep running in that hamster wheel, you eventually get tired, and you step out of it for a moment. That’s when you question your life. That’s when you wonder if you’re in a hamster wheel. But most people brush it off and get back in the wheel. The cycle repeats. You know, I watched the movie Everything Everywhere All At Once recently. Great movie by the way, made me cry like five times. It made me realise that of course it’s all temporary, the good moments, emotions, even people, but that’s what makes life so special. Instead of dreading your life, cherish it. Cherish all the good, the bad, and the in between. And I hope that the next time you step out of the hamster wheel, you don’t just get back in. Change is scary, but necessary. Why do you live?

What’s Next?

This article is titled, ‘When Things Go to Shit’ for a reason. Lately, I’ve been wondering what I’m doing with my life. I’ve been struggling to find passion in school. I want to change and improve the system not necessarily be in it. I study French for goodness' sake, what is that going to do? One advantage that I have is that I’m very aware that I’m self-aware. So, in moments of doubt, I still see the reason; I still see the answer. And I realise that I’m okay with not knowing what the hell I’m doing. I realise that being in the system gives me the ultimate advantage. I realise that I’ve found friends and a whole community in my French class. I realise that my happiness, my accomplishments, my life, are all part of the journey. That’s what matters.

That’s what matters.

So, what’s next?

I guess I feel kind of done with the rollercoaster I’ve been riding for a while, and it’s time to get on a new one.

For the Creators of the New World

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” ― Steve Jobs